I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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