I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize