Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize