We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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