Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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