she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
