You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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