i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
