Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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