It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
