you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
