When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
