I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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