Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Two words: nipple clamps
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