wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
