I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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