I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How does it feel to date your dad?
I need water and some morals
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
