i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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