That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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