Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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