I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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