Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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