i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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