When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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