I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
