Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
