i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
