look no pants
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
