absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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