home. puking in laundry basket.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
