Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
