we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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