if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize