just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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