The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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