i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize