I feel like I'm in dance class right now
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
