There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize