Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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