worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
