Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
