she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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