it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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