I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
