I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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