she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My vagina just recognized that song.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
