i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I am available for nakedness
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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