I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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