college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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