scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
