Ambien. No doubt about it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
