if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
