Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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