Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize