How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
