You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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