i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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