I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
