Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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