I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
What drink are we having for lunch?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize