...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
