Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
