I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
