I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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