they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
