my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think my moral compass just broke
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize