Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
