She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
