but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
