I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
