you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
