Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
