Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
don't judge my taste in strippers
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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