We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
